Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Pitch the LAMB: All the Old Showstoppers

The following is my submission for this month’s Pitch the LAMB. The theme for this month is buddy flicks. Yes my pitch is a bit silly, but sometimes even I get in the mood for fluff.

All the Old Showstoppers

Suzette – Sarah Polley
Leslie – Fabrizio Filippio
Hasuzo – Ken Jeong
Cedric – Dave Chapelle
No Thy Ene-Miis – Justin Long, Anna Faris
Levi – Seth Rogen

Leslie and Suzette, the duo behind the struggling Canadian band Fool’s Winter, have been on tour for the last six months promoting their self-released debut “Do We Say Eh?” Despite the duos passion for performing, they have yet to grow any real sort of following. Their agent, Cedric, has been booking them gigs in rundown country bars and biker bars. Neither of which is an ideal place to showcase Fool’s Winter’s unique blend hip hop/indie-rock. After living in a cramped van for months, not to mention having beer thrown in their face on a nightly basis, it looks like Leslie and Suzette’s friendship might finally be reaching its breaking point.

One night, while blowing the dust off their CD’s at the merchandising table, Suzette is approached by a man, Hasuzo, who claims to represent a major Japanese record label. Hasuzo is looking for a band to be the opening act for an upcoming U2 show in Osaka. There is one catch though, any band who agrees to take the opening act gig must live in Osaka for a month and have their experiences filmed for a future reality show. Suzette immediately jumps at the chance to expand the bands audience, but Leslie is hesitant at first due to the television show aspect. Suzette pleads for Leslie to sign the contract by proclaiming”you owe me! Remember that time in Oshawa? You do not want to know what I had to do to get us the money to replace your guitar.” Guilt riding, Leslie agrees to sign Hasuzo’s papers as he figures the trip might be the break they need. As he signs the documents Suzette tries to ease his mind by stating “the show will only be aired in Japan. Really, who’s going to know? ”

A few days later Leslie and Suzette arrive in Japan and are mesmerized by the beauty of the country. When they arrive at the house, which Hasuzo has provided for them, they are surprised by how massive it is. Yet after an hour in the house, Leslie starts to notice some strange things occurring. “I think the walls are moving…this room was not here before” he remarks to Suzette. It soon becomes apparent to both Leslie and Suzette that the house is in fact one massive soundstage for an elaborate Japanese game show. As the duo makes their way through the funhouse-styled maze, which features booby traps around ever corner, they come across four other bands that are also competing for the coveted opening act spot.

As the competition heats up, and the traps get hilariously more outlandish, Leslie and Suzette’s ten year friendship is put to the ultimate test. Instead of crumbling to the pressure, they find a way to overcome every adversity that Hasuzo, and rival band No Thy Ene-Miis, try to throw at them. In the end, Fool’s Winter find their way out of the house mere seconds after No Thy Ene-Miis. Hasuzo congratulates both bands for finishing the game. He announces that No Thy Ene-Miis will be the opening act for U2…a new extreme game show Hasuzo is producing. Hasuzo then hands Leslie and Suzette check for five hundred thousand dollars stating that it is their runners-up prize. Suzette politely thanks Hasuzo before surprising him with a swift punching him in the face. The film ends with the game show becoming an international hit over the internet; causing Leslie and Suzette’s band to gain a huge fan base. Cedric is fired and the band’s new agent, Levi, gets them booked at all the major music festivals. As the final credits role, the “You Two” sign is flashing over head and No Thy Ene-Miis is shown trying to play their instruments in a cage fully of overly aggressive monkeys


  1. @Simon - I was hoping to write a scene from a script but time was not on my side.


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